Am I Obligated to Give a Gift?

I recently received a wedding invitation from an old friend that I see sometimes, but no longer talk to. I had known that they were getting married for some time (we still have a lot of common friends), but I had assumed that we were not invited to the wedding.

I am sure that C, my husband, and I are on the "B list" or maybe the "C list" since we didn't get a save the date (the couple sent out an electronic save the date) and we just got the invitation (most of my friends received invitations much earlier) with a reply request of only one week.

C and I are definitely not going to the wedding since we will be attending another wedding the same weekend in a different geographical location. What I'm struggling with is whether we should get the couple a gift.

I wrote this post a few days ago. Since then, I've decided to buy them a gift.

Last Post Before the Wedding and a Confession

Folks, This will be my last post before the wedding and honeymoon. I am pretty happy with my decision to iron my own wedding dress. I talked to a couple of places and the quotes I got to press my dress was between $45-$75. I borrowed my sister's iron and ironing board and spent about a total of 2 hours working on it. It looks fine. All of my friends were kind of scared that I'd ruin my dress. If I ended up doing that, my backup plan was to borrow my sister's dress. I am happy to say that there is no need.

Tomorrow we have the rehearsal and I have a low-key bachelorette party. On Saturday we have a BBQ. Then Sunday is the big day! We're not leaving for our honeymoon until Tuesday night.

My confession is . . . my fiance doesn't know about my blog. To my knowledge, no one I know in real life knows about this site. I am planning on telling him about it soon after we get married. I am a bit apprehensive about telling my fiance about my blog since thought it was weird that someone would blog about their financial life when I showed him the article in BusinessWeek (or was it Newsweek) about Jonathan.

Expect no posting for 3 weeks or so. Have a great labor day!

A Detailed Wedding Budget

Our Wedding Budget - Total Budget $25,000
Currently at: $24,048

Reception: $12,000
Church: $600
Pastor: TBD, probably $500 (friend's father)
Marriage License: $64
Total: $13,164

Clothing and Accessories
Bridal Gown: $840 (includes paying $120 to have gown made to my height, but it is still 1 inch too long)
Other Alterations: $25
Veil: $0, borrowing from sister
Hairpiece: $110
Jewelry (earrings only, already had necklace): $30
Shoes: $90
Wedding Bands: $2000
Hair & Makeup: $820
Tux Rental: $0 (free with a certain number of wedding party rentals)
Pre-wedding pampering: $100
Total: $4015

Cake: $410
Chair Covers: $550
Total: $960

Flowers: $100 (a florist friend is doing the flowers for free, so we are probably going to spend $100 to buy him a gift)
DJ: $400
Photography: $3650
Total: $4150

Invitations (we made our own)
Paper (for invitations, programs, save the date cards, thank you cards: $50
Ribbons $55
Envelopes: $30
Postage for Invitations: $140
Postage for Thank you cards : $65
Postage for Save the Date cards: gift from bridesmaid
Accessories to make invitations: $20
Total: $360

Gifts for Bridesmaids: $310
Gifts for Groomsmen: $250
Gifts for other ceremony participants: $270
Favors: $410
Total: $1240

Flower Girl Baskets (2): $14
Runner: $20
Guest Book: $0, made by sister
Paper for Pictures: $100 (we are going to have a digital camera printer so we can print pictures at the wedding to put into the guest book
Money Box $0, made by sister
Books and Magazines: $25
Total: $159

We saved money by:
1. Being really good friends with a florist. I've been friends with him for about 7 years. I would help him for free when he was busy while I was in college for 3 out of my 4 years (e.g. Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, college graduations) and he always promised he would do my wedding flowers.
2. Not having a videographer. Two friends are going to tape it and then I'll see if I can get someone to edit it.
3. Driving ourselves during the wedding (the fiance and I had some disagreements about this, but I won).
4. Using a semi-professional DJ. He's done many weddings and other events, but it's not his main occupation.
5. Going to a Chinese Bakery to get our cake. We figure no one really cares about it.
6. Making our own invitations. I like doing paper crafts, so this was fun, but time consuming.
7. Having other people make us stuff. My sister made us a really nice guest book. To be honest, the materials alone probably cost about the same as a regular guest book, but ours is super nice.

Some items are still estimates, but this is pretty close to final. I'm sure some other small costs will come up, so we still might go over $25,000, but I'm trying my best to keep us under budget.